Can't wait until I see you again...

Tonight my mom told I would be prettier if I did something with my hair, stopped wearing softball shirts and put on real shorts. Some days I don’t want to have to get up in the morning and plan out my outfits and do my hair to make it acceptable, then have to worry about if my eyeliner is too dark or if my coverup covers up my acne good enough for people not to notice. I like the days of not caring what people though and not wearing makeup. Sometimes I wish that I would of never started to wear makeup because when I wear it is the only time that I feel pretty and before I started to wear i felt pretty without it but now I don’t. I also hate that it felt like to me the only time that my ex would tell me I was pretty was when I had makeup on. He always said that his favorite part about me was my eyes, which they only ever look good when I am wearing eyeliner. Since we are friends now and we were talking about that tonight it seemed like he got angry at me for saying that. He started off about how I thought he was a liar and all this other stuff. I am human and I have insecurities and I thought if anyone would understand that it would be him

It is hard for me to imagine who you use to be before we met. I know that you had a life before me but still it is very hard for me to imagine you being a religious  person who ” I read my bible and prayed every night, I went to church sunday morning, sunday night, and thursday night, and I was looking to become closer to God”. It makes me sad that you have lost your faith. I know that it doesn’t bother you but to me it makes me sad. I am trying to find my faith and I find myself turning to you and Amanda with questions because I feel like even tho you don’t believe anymore you still know everything about the Bible and you are still willing to talk to me about things. I one time talked to amanda about you and this subject. She said that she lost her faith for awhile before and it is good that even tho you don’t believe you still talk to me about it. You probably don’t know it but it really means a lot to me